Rupture + Repair

Our theme this month at Illume Psychology is ‘rupture and repair’, which refers to the breaking and restoring of connection within relationships. Connection or attachment to others is an important determinant of psychological development and therefore, rupture and repair is central to wellbeing. Ruptures involve any disruption to a connection and can be big or small, such as a minor frustration or a devastating loss of trust. When development goes well, ordinary ruptures are experienced as less threatening to a relationship because there has been a history of repair that provides security and the knowledge that when negative/angry feelings arise, positive/loving feelings will return.

Moving through cycles of rupture and repair provides the foundation for enjoying healthy emotional dependency in close relationships that allows for meaningful connection and true intimacy. Restoring emotional bonds following a rupture through attentive listening, understanding and empathic responding not only deepens relationships, but also encourages psychological growth. When empathic failures rupture a relationship repeatedly without repair, we may feel alone and helpless, as well as become sad, withdrawn and insecure. Ruptures are an inevitable part of all relationships, even the therapy relationship and offer rich, fertile ground for growth and development when embraced as an opportunity for attachment and psychological work.

January 2024